For me and my hedonistic treadmill of a brain….Never enough goes beyond drugs.
Obsessive is my default setting.
Moderation in any area requires focus for me. I need to have my head in the game.
Recovery from substance use disorder has made it possible to avoid total self destruction in these other areas.
However, I still need to be on top of things and open to support and ideas.
I need to seek out the right mentors.
What worked last month may need re-evaluated this month.
Change plans to change outcomes.
Plans & Outcomes
Work. It can consume me. Because it’s an escape and the achievement comes with a dopamine hit.
I’m very competent in this area of life so I will gravitate to work.
And if one hour of work is a dopamine hit, then another and another and another makes complete sense…..
90 hours later my kids can’t even recognize me.
Being a dad is tougher than work.
I never was taught anything about being a dad. My father was a maniac.
In my mind, I cant do anything well in the parenting area.
I perceive myself as incompetent. Plus it’s so freaking hard.
Therefore, I gravitate to what makes me feel better.
Human beings are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
I will be a work in progress forever.
I can’t relate to being “set free”.
Quite frankly I do not trust people who play it off like the struggle is gone. I’m a work in progress.
The Spiritual Struggle
I just don’t believe those people who pretend to be so “spiritual” they don’t struggle.
Spiritual means embracing the struggle.
Suffering well when it’s bad and savoring the good days.
I will try to improve and master myself every single day. Until I die.
Magical Solution – Nope
Because there is no magical solution for me.
I think there are so many fake people out there. Bullshitters.
What you see is what you get with me.
I’m not the poster child for serenity
Source: Recovery Cartel